Promise.

i feel like i'm the only one that feels like this, but you'd think that holding hands with a girl and giving her intimate hugs and a kiss on the cheek at 14 and 15, would mean something to the guy.. well atleast i think that. Someone once made a promise to me that he would be my very first kiss. and a year later with offs and ons, i've never had my first kiss or one from him. i feel like he's forgotten his promise, and he probably has. Which sucks so badly. i just wanna be like "hey layne, remember me?" sometimes. and whenever i text him he barely says anything. but i think about him all the time. and i just want to share lockers with him and have him be there for me. i want to kiss him and have him be that one thing that's a constant in my life, that makes me feel better when i'm sad, that i can always count on. <3 but it's too late now and he likes some other girl. </3

It's just the dark before the morning.

Yesterday I went to the Cityview Christian center in Indianapolis, Indiana. You would not believe the spirit in during the worship service in there. We first served meals to a group of homeless people: a can of pop, a few slices of pizza, a small salad, and two cookies each. While this is not my first experience with people below the poverty line, it was even more life changing than the first. Every single person, man or woman, boy or girl, said a sweet, "Thank you," once handed a part of the meal. First response to that? "Wow." It's not just any other meal. These people are thankful. I had forgotten that.


After I was done serving the meals, I decided to sit down with a large man who read his bible the entire time during dinner.
 I sat down and received a friendly "Hello," from the gentleman. We got to talking and he was probably one of the happiest adults I have ever met. He told me he was going to go to a pastoral school soon, and become a preacher. How truly amazing is that? Living on the streets, by himself, he has hope. A song instantly popped into my head; "Every Man," by Casting Crowns. It's amazing how music speaks to me.


I'm the man with all I've ever wanted
All the toys and playing games
I am the one who pours your coffee
Corner booth each Saturday
I am your daughter's favorite teacher
I'm the leader of the band
I sit behind you in the bleachers
I am every man
I'm the coach of every winning team
And still a loser in my mind
I am the soldier in the airport
Facing giants one more time
I am the woman shamed and haunted
By the cry of unborn life
And every broken man
Nervous child, lonely wife
Is there hope for every man?
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
Is there hope for every man?
Is there love that never dies?
Is there peace in troubled times?
Someone help me understand
Is there hope for every man?
It seems there's just so many roads to travel
It's hard to tell where they will lead
My life is scarred, my dreams unraveled
Now I am scared to take the lead
If I could find someone to follow
Who knows my pain and feels the way
The uncertainty of my tomorrow
The guilt and pain of yesterday
Is there hope for every man?
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
Is there hope for every man?
Is there love that never dies?
Is there peace in troubled times?
Someone help me understand
Is there hope for every man?
There is hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
There is hope for every man
There is love that never dies
There is peace in troubled times
Will we help them understand
Jesus is hope for every man
There is hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
There is hope for every man
There is love that never dies
There is peace in troubled times
Will we help them understand
Jesus is hope for every man




What came to my mind was that yes, there is hope for every man. I can truly see that now. Whatever is going on in your life, overcome it. There is no such thing as a victim of your circumstances. Overcome them!


I am a conqueror in Christ.






With just that part of my night, i was amazed. Little did I know, my night would be even more breathtaking.


I sat down, about the second row, in a faded green chair. A worship band walked onto stage, and started playing. They were a great band. They sang a song that i didn't know, but it still amazed me. I closed my eyes and i could feel God's presence. I didn't realize how much God was actually in the small church room, until tears starts rolling down my cheeks. Joy. Pure Joy. These people thought more of God and worshipped God more than anyone I know. Have you ever been in a church and just knew that half of the people in the pews weren't really thinking about Jesus? Like you knew that they were, well.. fake? In this church you could absolutely 100 percent tell that no one in that sanctuary were faking. I need that in my life and every single person deserves to be in that environment. So I'm going to change my family. I'm going to change my church. I'm going to change the world.


<3.
God Bless you!

Why do you believe in God?

Why do you believe in God?

            I believe in God because when I lie down in the green grass and stare up at the shining stars, I can’t help but know there’s something bigger out there. I know that we as humans were never a little piece of seaweed. I know that our perfect-working bodies weren’t the effect of a huge explosion. I know that something has been with me since I was born, listening and protecting me. I know that “something” was God.

            The simple things in life are confirmations that God exists. When I wake up in my very own unique position with crazy hair and drool on my pillow, that’s a blessing from someone heavenly. When I see the wide fields of green corn stalks for miles on, I know that’s the work of something more than man’s hand. When huge drops of clear water fall from the dark puffy clouds in the sky, I know that’s not just something that happens; it’s not just a coincidence. When I got bullied at school, it was one of God’s many miracles that I’m even stronger now. When I’m sitting on my couch watching the game show network and I see that the number one answer for places people like to be the least is church, I know that God wants me to change that. When I look around and realize that so many people support me, the true me, I know that God is lifting me up.

            I heard stories all the time of people overcoming their circumstances with God’s help, but I never even thought about them until I actually saw people in bad circumstances be built stronger. I’ll never forget any of the amazing testimonies I’ve heard now, because I believe. Even my own testimony has been extraordinary when I think about it. What I used to be? So much is different now. While occasionally my peers bring me down, I always get back up. I’m truly happy with who I am. That’s one of my biggest changes.

             I once told someone, “Sometimes it takes something extraordinary to believe.” How true that has actually come to be. 

<3.